Hickey Theology

I blame the movie Da Vinci Code. If I hadn’t seen the car driving backwards through the streets of Paris, France I probably would not have known such a car existed. I wanted a SMART car, or as many have commented “half a car”.

In October 2007 when SMART brought the car to Tulsa, Oklahoma I got my chance to test drive one. It only fueled my desire to own one. It wasn’t until over a year later on January 30,2009 I purchased my Rally Red Convertible SMART car.

Every time my kids would see my car and me, they would start the circus song, you know the one they often use for the clowns getting out of the small car. I did not care I had my SMART car and I was proud of it.

          Before you get started reading this story there needs to be disclaimer. Yes, I am an ordained ministry, with that one would expect a reverent response to certain moments. I will tell you that some of my responses, well, let’s just say weren’t some of my finest moments.

Sometimes, the other cheek that needs to be turned is the other persons. I am glad that our denomination does not believe in ex-communicating. I will ask for some forgiveness and grace!

 In the 9 years I had SMRTREV there were several difficult conversations that tried my patients and stretched my ability to be kind. However, there were moments of wonderful interaction with individuals. If anything, SMRTREV was a conversational piece!

I loved the looks I got while driving SMRTREV. They ranged from shock to laughter. I had people get out of their cars to take pictures of SMRTREV and me. People would honk to tell me they loved my car and give me thumbs up.

  I enjoyed riding around in my new SMART car. It was February and rather cold. Since SMRTREV was convertible, I would take the top down and turn on my heated seats. I know it sounds weird, but I was determined to take advantage of the convertible.

However, there were hot days with sun shining bright when I forgot to wear a hat to protect my bald head. I only had to do that once to learn my lesson, old dog new trick!

 I had SMRTREV for a whole four days when I was getting out of the car at my favorite grocery store when all the sudden a woman came running up to me. It scared the living daylight out of me. I almost fell back into the car. I even let out a scream! If you ever watch ‘The Simpsons’ I sounded like Ned Flanders.

          The woman, in the meantime, was trying to catch her breath while laughing. It was like listening to a donkey braying. The woman was short a little on the heavy side, not that there is anything wrong with that.

We stood there for what seemed like an eternity when she was finally was able to ask a really a dumb question, ”How can you fit” she stumbled more as she add “How do you get in and out of the car?”.

          Now I am not a small guy in fact I am fat, not pleasingly plump, but fat. What she was really expressing was “My God how does one as large as you even fit in that car”. There were words spoken without even a thought of how they could be hurtful. In middle school I was 5’4” and weighed 234#. I was the whole right side of the Southmore Bulldog offensive line.

          Day in day out I had to listen to classmates sing the song “fatty, fatty two by four can’t get through the bathroom door”. I would stand there and take it. I would laugh with them, but I would go hide in the last stall in the boy’s restroom and I cried. I never confronted them because I realized the more you objected the meaner they became so I suffered.

As I stood there in front of this woman all sorts of things ran through my mind, punching her lights would not be a good idea, lashing out in anger would not be very ministerial, or I should just ignore her,  but, when she said again, “really, how do you get in and out of that car.” I thought for a moment, and a big smile came across my face, and I simply said, “I use Cisco”.

If looks could kill I would have been dead right there. The stupid grin she had on her face disappeared and a scowl appear and with these words she stated “you are an asshole” she turned and walked away.

Unphased by this display rudeness I went in the store to do my shopping. I just happened to be on the baking and spice isle, you know the one with sugar, flour and you guess it, Cisco.

Some may think this is childish or for the more religious I was trading evil for evil, but I waited until she was even with me and grabbed the largest container of Cisco and made sure she saw me. I looked up at her as I was putting the Crisco in my basket and said, “I am running low”.

As I walked away, I heard something about my parentage. I walked down the aisle with a spring in my step and a smile on my face, childish, maybe, but the cheek that gets turned doesn’t always have to be yours.

Now, I want tell you a story that you may think I am a pretty horrible person. Let us just say it is not an example of being very pastoral. In fact, you might think how the hell did this man ever become as minister. My brother when I told him I was going to be a minister said” you can’t be a minister you did things”. I thank God every day for God’s grace and forgiveness.

William Campbell was a minister and a Civil Rights Activist in the 60’s. William was known to smoke, drank and expounded on very colorful words, cussed. Someone might say, ala, Christmas Story could weave a tapestry of colorful words that could still be hanging in the air somewhere.

Someone questioned his vocation because he did these things. They started to wonder how he could be a minister. I loved his response when he said, ”I never said I was perfect just called”. I state the above because I can’t stand it when people say things without thinking about the effect it has on other’s, so I sometimes find a way to turn the tables. There is another story about someone coming up to me at a gas station and asking me for $100 and he was driving a new Mercedes that I will tell later.

I have a Facebook friend (Jean Hughes Morris) whose husband (Bob) wears doo-rags. He looks great in his doo-rags. On this particular day I was wearing a doo-rag. I was standing in line at my favorite grocery store. I was behind a young lady. This young lady turned to me and said, “you know you don’t look good in a doo-rag”.

My first instinct was to slap her, but I decided that it would not be very good because of the whole minister thing. Instead, I looked at her and with a little emotion in my voice I said, “I will be sure to tell my wife that her dying husband doesn’t look good in a doo-rag.”

She looked at me for a moment in horror as her eyes began to fill with tears and her mouth began to tremble, she began to apologize while dropping things on the checkout line. She couldn’t make eye contact but continued to sob.

After she was finished and began to leave, I stopped her and said, ”I am not dying, but the next time you decide you need to share your opinion without being asking you need to think about your words and what affect they will have”.

“Oh, contrary to what you think I do look good in a doo-rag, have a good day”. She left without saying a word. I heard the cashier laugh and say “AMEN”!

The words you speak can cut deep. When I counsel individuals more times than not, I hear about how the words spoken to them have wounded their spirit, have cut to their very soul. Often the emotional, mental and spiritual wounds that our words open are harder to heal than the physical ones. So, choose your words carefully.

Until next time…… Grace and Peace