Hickey Theology

I brought my tree down to the shore
The garland and the silver star
To find my peace and grieve no more
To heal this place inside my heart

On every branch I laid some bread
And hungry birds filled up the sky
They rang like bells around my head
They sang my spirit back to life

One tiny child can change the world
One shining light can show the way
Through all my tears, for what I’ve lost
There’s still my joy
There’s still my joy for Christmas day

The snow comes down on empty sand
There’s tinsel moonlight on the waves
My soul was lost but here I am
So this must be amazing grace

One tiny child can change the world
One shining light can show the way
Beyond these tears for what I’ve lost
There’s still my joy
There’s still my joy for Christmas day
There’s still my joy for Christmas day

I can’t listen to this song “There’s Still My Joy”, (recorded by Indigo Girls, Words and Music by Beth Neilsen Chapman, Melissa Manchester, and Matt Rowlings), without deep emotions that stir within me. Grief can be and is overwhelming. We can be crippled by grief. The reality is grief is real and it affects each one of us differently. Another reality is that grief never goes away. It is there and it can reappear even years after our loss.

The stages of grief (Denial, Bargaining, Depression, Anger and Acceptance) don’t line up and don’t happen one step at a time. We can try to tuck grief away, but it is always there just waiting for a moment to unpack itself and it doesn’t care what we are doing or where we are.

Growing up our family didn’t have a lot of money, so we didn’t have vacations to wonderful places. What we did have was a Bonneville 9 passenger station wagon. The kind that has a seat that faces backwards. Tim, Chris and I threw many a Houston Post newspaper from the tailgate of this car. Mom would pile us in the car, filled the tank with gas, remember in 1964 gas .30 a gallon.

Mom would start down the road and as she came to a road she would say “I wonder where that road will take us” and off we went. I always trusted that our mom would get us back home.

My mom has been gone 10 years now. It was in the 5th year of her death that took a ride out in the country. I came to road I had never been down and found myself saying “I wonder where this road will take me”. As I turned down the road I had to pull over because my emotions took over and I began to cry.

I wished my mom was there with me so I could tell her how much I appreciated all she did for us. My mom was not perfect, but through everything that she endured I knew she loved us. I found my joy in knowing I was loved and that God had placed not only my mom but so many others who lifted me up when life tried to bury me. I grew and flourished with the seeds of joy that others planted in me.

There is this beautiful Mexican proverb “they tried to bury us, but they did not know that we were the seeds”. It is easy to be buried in grief, in all the trials of life, and we often can and do lose our joy. Because of the seeds that others gave to me I had the strength to overcome all those destructive things. Those seeds of joy gave me the power to overcome and from those seeds of joy came new life.

Christmas can be and is difficult for some people. They feel as if they are being buried, but you and I can be seeds of joy. You and I can plant them and nurture them so that even in someone’s darkest time they rediscover their joy and they are given the courage for life to move forward.

The Advent season reminds us that the truest joy comes from knowing: “One tiny child can change the world
One shining light can show the way
Beyond these tears for what I’ve lost
There’s still my joy
There’s still my joy for Christmas day
There’s still my joy for Christmas day

Until Next Time Grace and Peace